For more pirate writing, check out The Commodore LXIV's blog! And right here we present...

Cookey's Kitchen

YAR! Cookey 'ere, comes to bring ya a new recipe every week. Dis week, I will reveal the secret behind one of me spesh-ee-al-itees: " Leg Du Pirate "
 
Dis one's a favorite of the stranded pirate, a hearty meal sure to fill the gullet of any bloke ew finds 'imself trapped on a wayward dinghy or tiny island, with little to no hope of rescue. In fact, I only recommend trying this recipe if you are truly motivated, as it often requires a heavy dose of choppin', marinatin', and screamin'
 
To prepare "Leg Du Pirate", you will need the following ingredients:
 
1 Leg (of a pirate)
 
Now, the trickiest part of this recipe comes first. It's what I like to call, "the negotiation". Lets say there's a few of ya trapped on a dinghy, or a small desert island. Eventually, all of yer guests are gonna start getting 'ungry once you realize there ain't no coconuts left, or you are just plum out of leather shoes.
 
Gently suggest to yer mates that "there are other options" where food is concerned, then subtly turn your gaze towards the fattest bloke's right or left leg, whichever looks tastiest (note: if YOU are the fattest bloke, DO NOT look at your own leg, this will present serious complications later in the recipe, just stare at the next fattest guy's leg).
 
If you do this enough times, eventually one of the other mates will suggest that "we eat fatty's leg" or something like that. This is yer cue to proceed to the next part of the recipe: "Kicking and screaming".
 
Now that you have selected a suitable leg, git yer a holt of it, and chop it off as clean as you can and high up (though not too high lest ye risk spyin yer mate's privies). If ye don't 'ave a butcher knife on ye, then use a sharpened stick or, if you are really in a bind, yer teeth will do nicely, though the cut won't be quite as clean.
 
Now that ye have leg in hand, ye can begin the marinatin' process. First, peel off any remaining layers of cloth from the leg, then tie ye a string around the leg and find the nearest large body of salt water (this will generally be "the Sea").
 
This next step is tricky, and the slightest miscalculation could result in loss of the leg entirely, so be sure to follow these directions, EXACTLY: Gently lower the leg in and out of the salt water. DO NOT allow the leg to just sit in the water for an extended period of time, as ye might find that it'll soon become lunch to any number of toothy and ferocious sharks that might be wanderin' through the neighbor'ood.
 
Once  ye have marinated the leg in this manner for at least 20 minutes or so, remove the string from the leg and rub the saltiness into the leg with a few vigorous strokes up an' down the length.
 
Next, lay the leg down on a nicely arranged bed of palm leaves (if ye don't have any palm leaves, an old shirt will do jus fine), then tenderize the meat using a karate-chop motion up and down the leg. Do this 2 or three times on one side, turn it over and repeat on the other side. If the leg is REALLY stiff, use yer pointed stick to pop off the kneecap and free up the leg's movement (most people don't realize it, but if ye remove the kneecap from a leg, it can bend the other way. it's true, just ask Bendy-Pete).
 
Finally, once the leg is tenderized, it's ready to serve and eat, yer leg should be a deep purple at the time of serving. Some people like it with the skin on, but if ye don't, it's fairly simple to remove. just grab a holt of one corner and pull. hard. If ye want, ye can also add a dash of lemon zest and a few sprigs of thyme to yer likin'.

To see the final product, CLICK HERE.
 
Be sure to check out more of Cookey's recipes at: www.cookeyskitchen.piratesdonothaveinternet